Excerpts from Saturday Night Live

Flashback to commercial parodies

Phil, as Frank Sinatra, is the host of The Sinatra Group, an unrehearsed discussion of current issues in the recording industry. The panel includes, Sinead O'Connor (Jan), Billy Idol (Sting), Luther Campbell of 2 Live Crew (Chris Rock), and Steve Lawrence & Eydie Gourmet, (Mike and Victoria). Among the topics rapidly discussed in this parody of "The McLaughlin Group" is censorship in music.

The Sinatra Hour

The Sinatra Group. An unrehearsed discussion of current issues in the recording industry. With panelists Sinead O'Connor, Billy Idol, 2 Live Crew star Luther Campbell, Steve Lawrence, and Eddie Gorme. And now here's the moderator, Frank Sanatra.

Frank:

Issue number one: censorship. They got records with the labels now, people gettin' arrested. What the hell's going on? Sine-aid O'Connor!

Sinead:

Well, I think it is a bloody shame that freedom of expression is suppressed in this country-

Frank:

Yap,yap,yap. Billy Idol!

Billy:

I think they're all a bunch of tight-assed old farts-

Frank:

Get a haircut. Luther Campbell!

Luther:

Well, man, I had my run ins with censorship all year-

Frank:

Can't understand a word.

Luther:

Said, I was censored all year-

Frank:

You don't know what censored is, junior. Censored is being dumped by Columbia because Mitch MIller doesn't like the way your career is going. It's having million-dollar pipes and nowhere to play 'em. Am I right, Steve and Eydie?

Steve:

Yes, you are, Frank.

Eydie:

Absolutely, Frank.

Frank:

You bet I am. Next issue: this crap with MTV. With the audity and all. What is this crap? Sinbad O'Connor.

Sinead:

Well, I think it's bloody awful. But it's typical of entertainment in a male-dominated society.

Frank:

Boo-hoo. You had me and then you lost me. Billy Idol.

Billy:

I think it's great-

Frank:

Shaddap. Luther Campbell.

Luther:

Well, that's my bread and butter, man-

Frank:

Once more around, pal, Sounds like pops and buzzes from here.

Luther:

I said, that's my bread and butter, man.

Frank:

No, your'e wrong schoolboy. You don't need to work blue. You'll never play the big rooms with that crap. Ask Redd Foxx. You don't need the blue stuff, kid, you got talent.

Luther:

But I don't have talent.

Frank:

You've got it, kid. You listen to me. You got a Ben Vereen quality, I can't put my finger on it. Take the high road baby.

Luther:

I swear man. I don't have any talent. None. This is all I got. Tell him, man.

Billy:

Yeah, he sucks.

Sinead:

He's not talented.

Frank:

No. Bob Goulet-that's not talent. You got talent, you got a Dionne Warwick/Falana kind of thing goin'. Steve and Eydie.

Eydie:

Oh, you're right, Frank.

Steve:

Absolutely. He's great.

Frank:

Of course he is, you brownnoses. Look at you, you're just swimmin' in my wake. Issue number three: This bald chick., what's with her head? Let's start with the chick. What gives cue ball? I'm looking at you, I'm thinking fourteen in the side pocket.

Sinead:

I can't believe you're talking about my hair with all the bloody starvation and suffering in the world right now.

Frank:

Come on, swing baby. You're platinum. Billy Idol.

Billy:

I think she's really quite attractive.

Frank:

Check out his papers. Luther Campbell!

Billy:

You watch it, mate!

Frank:

Easy, baby. And what's with the sneering crap? Don't do that to the people. They wanna like you. That's what killed Dennis Day. Contempt for the audience. Luther Campbell! What about the chick's head?

Luther:

Be honest, I don't care about the head. I like the butt.

Frank:

I hear you, baby. Forget the head. Put a bag over it and do your business. Am I right, Steve and Eydie?

Steve:

You bet, Frank.

Eydie:

You know it, Chairman.

Frank:

You were a little slow on that time.

Steve and Eydie:

Sorry, Frank.

Frank:

Forget it. You're all right. You could pick up a check once in a while...

Eydie:

Frank, that's not fair...

Frank:

Shut up. Okay, issue number four: Milli Vanilli. What is this faggot crap? Uncle Fester!

Sinead:

I don't understand the question.

Frank:

I tell you what you better understand. Next time you see Old Glory ridin' up that pole, you better sing that anthem, darling. You're lucky you're a chick, or you'd be nothin' but a stain on the road and a crew cut! Our founding fathers went to the mat for you, baby!

Sinead:

It's not my flag. I'm Irish.

Frank:

Oh. Well then, stay off of this stuff {Mimes drinking}! That's the curse of you people. Billy Idol!

Billy :

I forgot the bloody question.

Frank:

I'll give you the question. What the hell's with this devil stuff? This whole black mass, and the whole six-six-six, coffins thing. Don't think the Big Man ain't keepin' score, baby. He put you in the penthouse, and He can kick you down to the gutter with these two!

Steve and Eydie:

Hey! Geez!

Frank:

Shut up, you wastes of space. Just be glad you get to hang with me.

Steve:

You're right, Frank

Eydie:

Sorry.

Frank:

It's your choice. You can open for me at the Meadowlands, or headline at the Tick Tock Inn. Okay, Luther!

Luther:

I think Milli Vanilli got what they deserved.

Frank:

Can't understand a word. Next issue: Rita Hayworth or Ava Gardner. Who would you rather nail? I disqualify myself, since I've done them both.

Billy:

I think you're a bloody stupid old fart.

Frank:

You're all talk blondie! You want a piece of me? I'm right here.

Billy:

Don't provoke me, old man.

Frank:

You don't scare me. I got chunks of guys like you in my stool!

Billy:

All right. I'll rip your head off.

Frank:

Steve-go kick his ass!

Steve:

What?

Frank:

You heard me!

Eydie:

Do it, Steve.

Steve:

Huh? Well, okay.

Billy:

You got it! {He punches Steve in the gut}.

Frank:

Next week, the Grammy Awards. Where the hell is Vikki Carr's album? Bye-bye. Keep the hand up, Steve!